So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
