Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
