Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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