Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
