Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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