she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
