I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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