help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So much Jack, so little girl.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
