dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
