I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
