man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
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I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
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we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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