I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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