Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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