Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Randomize
