Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.