True but thats because hes a fetus.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
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I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
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But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?