hell yes lets make some ravioli
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
where does the pee come out of this thing
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
