You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
