I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
