I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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