Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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