At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize