Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
