So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
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