It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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