Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
