I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
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I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
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Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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