and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
