Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
