we have pet lesbian snakes
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
