She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
