I need to stop coming to work sober
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
