my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock deserves a montage
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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