FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
