I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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