Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
