I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
