You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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