they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
