I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
