My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
