so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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