I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
