I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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