he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
