So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
