Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
