Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
