All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
