East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
