As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
