ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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