There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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