Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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