she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
