I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
