i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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