she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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