I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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