just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
