Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I looked at my own cervix.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
