So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
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You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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