she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Never joke about your clitoris.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
