my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
