What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
