At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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