I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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